Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Five Foods You Should Never Eat .....



Five foods You Should Never Eat...On a Date!

I just read a post on Facebook that really made me laugh. It went something like this: I never wish death for someone I hate. Instead I wish for them to get explosive diarrhea next time they go on a date. Now, that is hell!

A few months ago, another young lady posted about a personal experience. She was having such a good time on her first date with a young man, that she ate to her heart’s content. Everything. The result was a cauldron of churning gases and pressure that threatened to undo her.

Terrified, she asked to be driven home immediately, hoping to reach her own bathroom. Not only did she not make it, but the telling of how she fought a war with the car’s electric window mechanism trying to let the stench of her flatulence out of the car was hilarious. Of course, had it happened to me, it would be far from funny. 

After I stopped laughing, I got to thinking about the ads we see all over the internet about the six foods you should never eat because they make you fat. Someone should make a list about the foods never to eat on a date, for obvious reasons that have nothing to do with weight gain. Of course, some of us may have a slightly different list, but a general one should not be hard to compile. From personal experience, I would include the following foods.

If the date is part of  a long-term relationship and the possibility of deeper intimacies loom ahead in the evening, be extremely careful. Some foods may be the cause of very embarrassing little incidents that can ruin a romantic evening.

#1-Broccoli
      One of my favorite foods and a dangerous one on a date. Imagine smiling at your
      date with a piece of broccoli stuck in your front teeth! In fact, ANY
      GREEN VEGETABLE should be off the date list.
#2- Enchiladas
      I love Mexican food, but enchiladas, especially when accompanied by sundry
      other spicy foods, guacamole, cheese, and sour cream, have the potential to cause
      intestinal explosions of the mafic lava type! To be safe, don’t do Mexican on a
      date. It can become catastrophic when there is a line to the bathroom and only
      two stalls. Believe me, I’ve been there.
#3- Marinara Sauce
      This brings up the danger of Italian food where dates are concerned. Usually,
      there are buttery bread rolls involved and cannoli and red wine! A delicious
      but deadly mixture of gas-producing carbs. Beware of the early sign: the
      gurgling tummy. What ever you do, DO NOT TRY TO MAKE IT HOME! To be
      safe, forget Italian altogether.
#4- Chocolaty Frozen Drinks such a Frozen Black Irish. The problem with these is
      that they taste like milk shakes, and you are lulled into a false sense of security.
      The resulting combination of intestinal gas and inebriation may lead you to
      conclude that passing gas on a date is funny! Your date will not agree.
#5-  Mozzarella Sticks       
        Long, stringy cheese will only go to your thighs after nearly choking you as you
        try to swallow. In fact, all appetizers should be avoided. Use the time before
        dinner to look beautiful and interesting.

Well, I hope my little list will make a difference to your next romantic evening. Do you have any other foods to add to the list? Or do you have any personal “anecdotes” to illustrate the need for this list? Feel free to post them here.