Five Foods You Should Never Eat .....
Five foods You Should Never Eat...On a Date!
I just read a post on Facebook that really made me laugh.
It went something like this: I never wish death for someone I hate. Instead I
wish for them to get explosive diarrhea next time they go on a date. Now, that
is hell!
A few months ago, another young lady posted about a
personal experience. She was having such a good time on her first date with a
young man, that she ate to her heart’s content. Everything. The result was a
cauldron of churning gases and pressure that threatened to undo her.
Terrified, she asked to be driven home immediately,
hoping to reach her own bathroom. Not only did she not make it, but the telling
of how she fought a war with the car’s electric window mechanism trying to let
the stench of her flatulence out of the car was hilarious. Of course, had it
happened to me, it would be far from funny.
After I stopped laughing, I got to thinking about the ads
we see all over the internet about the six foods you should never eat because
they make you fat. Someone should make a list about the foods never to eat on a
date, for obvious reasons that have nothing to do with weight gain. Of course,
some of us may have a slightly different list, but a general one should not be
hard to compile. From personal experience, I would include the following foods.
If the date is part of
a long-term relationship and the possibility of deeper intimacies loom
ahead in the evening, be extremely careful. Some foods may be the cause of very
embarrassing little incidents that can ruin a romantic evening.
#1-Broccoli
One of my favorite foods and a dangerous one
on a date. Imagine smiling at your
date with a piece of broccoli stuck in your
front teeth! In fact, ANY
GREEN VEGETABLE should be off the date list.
#2- Enchiladas
I
love Mexican food, but enchiladas, especially when accompanied by sundry
other spicy
foods, guacamole, cheese, and sour cream, have the potential to cause
intestinal explosions of the mafic lava type! To
be safe, don’t do Mexican on a
date. It can
become catastrophic when there is a line to the bathroom and only
two stalls. Believe me, I’ve been there.
#3- Marinara Sauce
This brings up
the danger of Italian food where dates are concerned. Usually,
there are buttery
bread rolls involved and cannoli and red wine! A delicious
but deadly
mixture of gas-producing carbs. Beware of the early sign: the
gurgling tummy. What ever you do, DO NOT TRY
TO MAKE IT HOME! To be
safe, forget
Italian altogether.
#4- Chocolaty Frozen
Drinks such a Frozen Black Irish. The problem with these is
that they taste
like milk shakes, and you are lulled into a false sense of security.
The resulting
combination of intestinal gas and inebriation may lead you to
conclude that passing gas on a date is funny!
Your date will not agree.
#5- Mozzarella Sticks
Long, stringy
cheese will only go to your thighs after nearly choking you as you
try to swallow. In fact, all appetizers should
be avoided. Use the time before
dinner to look
beautiful and interesting.
Well, I hope my little list will make a difference to your
next romantic evening. Do you have any other foods to add to the list? Or do you
have any personal “anecdotes” to illustrate the need for this list? Feel free
to post them here.
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